Click here to read Secrets of a Matchmaker Week 1 on Tawkify's blog...
Even though tackling people’s dating lives is a job to me, I can’t approach it like just any other job because I am dealing directly with people’s emotional lives, offering these tender hearts up to another human being for evaluation, an act that inherently causes some amount of discomfort, if not pain. People’s emotions and hearts do not respond well to the same direct energetic approach that is required when doing the things that
other jobs entail. Things like fixing a door, constructing a building, engineering a new app, or balancing a bank sheet require direct focus and evaluation, but in these tasks, people are not exposing their hearts to the greatest risk there is - the risk of rejection, the feeling of being not wanted, or in some way not good enough for who they are as a person. In walking this fine line of having to execute a job, but also hold people’s hearts with kid gloves, I recognized the importance of trust in the relationship between myself and my client, and how this same trust can be built and developed directly between individuals who are out there dating.
When we feel safe and trusting in relationship, we can show up as our best selves (and our worst selves at times, but let’s focus on the first part for a second). In matchmaking, if my client’s don’t trust me, they may not even go on a date. Even if they do go on a date, if there is a lack of trust between my client and myself I find, they will have less fun on that date because on some level they don’t trust I have their best interests in mind or that I really see them for who they are. If they do trust me, they will not only go on the date, they will also more than likely have a good time because they know that they can come back to with their feelings or responses, and I will listen and readjust to accommodate them.
In dating, we often like the people who we feel we can trust. Some people are naturally good at building trust and we will gravitate towards liking those people. Instead, I suggest, putting yourself in the trust builder’s seat. Think of yourself as a person who can build trust, recognize the importance of trust in a relationship, and work to build a foundation of trust with the person you are dating. Instead of looking at whether you trust them, look at what you can do to create that feeling of trust between you both. It leads to more fun and more positive interactions for both of you.
Lauren Korshak is a San Francisco-based Marriage and Family Therapist, Meditation Teacher, Dating & Relationship Coach, and former matchmaker. She has a BA in Psychology from University of Southern California (USC) and an MA in Somatic Psychology from California Institute of Integral Studies (CIIS.) In her free time, Lauren can be found dancing, meditating, adventuring outdoors, making music, and spending QT with loved ones.